My Common-Sense Ways to Not Get Covid-19*

*Disclaimer: I wrote these suggestions for my family to consider to help them avoid contracting Covid-19.

This is not medical advice. This is not a scientific study or a research paper. I am not a medical professional, and I am not certifying the science or good sense on any of these suggestions or ideas. They are based on my experience and research I have reviewed. I make no representation they are up to date or that they will ever be revised to reflect new scientific research or information. Follow these suggestions at your own risk. You must ignore any suggestion if science contradicts or if they don’t make sense to your situation. I welcome suggestions, clarifications, additions and retractions.

My Covid-19 Avoidance Plan  

1. Ignore test results and assume everyone you come into contact with is a carrier who can infect you. There will be test kits that are not manufactured correctly and some that are counterfeit. There will be a significant percentage of false negatives—as well as false positives. This will generate false security and lead to additional transmission of the virus. The only safe path is to treat everyone you come into contact with as a potential carrier and contagious. Everyone. Period.

2. Disbelieve anyone recovering from covid 19 when they tell you “the doctor said i’m no longer contagious.” Treat them as contagious for at least a month after they were done experiencing any symptoms of being sick…i’m using two months. There are reports of people transmitting the virus 8 days after they are cleared. My guess is 8 days is not the limit.

3. Disbelieve anyone who tells you “its just an allergy” -- -especially during hay fever and allergy season. They may have an allergy, but they may also have the virus. See rule number 1. 

4. Distance as far as you can from others. Try to always stay at least 25 feet away from anyone else. Research from an mit professor shows 27 feet is the real limit.  I try to stay at least 25 feet away from other people.  More is better. Less is more dangerous.  Not complicated. For those of you challenged with this concept that means no hand shaking. No elbow bumping. No kiss blowing. Nothing. Try not to walk through an area where someone has just passed and get way out of the way of those idiot and rude joggers huffing and puffing as they run into your space.  They are spitting out virus and projecting it much further than 6 feet.  The latest research says the smaller droplets can stay suspended in the air for hours.  Outdoors may be better than indoors but it is not safe. 

5. What all this means is you really shouldn’t leave the house for now unless you have to. If you do, you must wear a n95 properly fitted mask, wrap around glasses to protect your eyes and a face shield over that to have any chance of effectively minimizing your exposure.  I still think putting a clear plastic garbage bag over all that is a great idea, albiet inpractical (obviously you don’t tie the bottom okay). You will look ridiculous but so what, you will outlast many of the deniers and jerks  who are mocking you-- and think how good that will feel.

6. If you have to be in a car with someone, leave the windows open and cut the AC and heat fans that recirculate interior air. Have them sit in the back--passenger side corner. (Make believe you’re practicing for your next job as an uber driver. Okay I’m gonna try to make some of this funny since stress depresses your immune system and laughter has been shown to boost it.)

7. On the subject of stress, shut the tv off!!! You get the full story in 3 minutes, all the rest is designed to keep you watching, keep you worried and, on 90 % of the channels, to find another reason to bash trump. Hourly death tolls is not helping your stress levels. Put on music you enjoy. Studies have shown listening to music raises your happiness index, relaxes your mind and the gives a positive boost to your immune system.

If music isn’t your thing watch an old movie you love. (Do not chose Contagion or Outbreak.) Binge watch 24 (How did Chloe ever get two men to marry her?), Dexter (You’ll be so scared the virus will seem innocuous.), Game of Thrones (If they can make you believe dragons can fly, how hard is it to come up with a Covid vaccine?), or Homeland (How is it Carrie ever got into the CIA in the first place?). Avoid Love Story, Terms of Endearment and anything with Paulie Shore or Janeane Garofalo—unless you are looking to commit suicide and make a quick end to all this aggravation.

8. Do not worry about offending anyone you believe is heading into your personal space. Gesture or nicely insist they stay away from you (like the women in my life always demand of me). If they are carriers, they are threatening your life. It’s that simple. Now is not the time to be quiet about people invading your personal space. Be polite but stern.

9. If they continue walking toward you quickly move in the opposite direction. (This goes double for anyone exhibiting any sign of sickness or mental confusion such as coughing, sneezing, red eyes, droopy appearance or wearing a Bernie Sanders or “I’m with her” t-shirt). Immediately move away. Run if necessary. (On a related note, running away is the same advice if you’re on a first date and she has three drinks before dinner and then orders the two most expensive items on the menu. Run.)

10. On the subject of alcohol, stay away from it if you can. Preliminary research says alcohol isn’t helping your immune system cope with the virus and it may be hurting.

11. Before leaving the house ask yourself, “Do I really need to do _______ today, this week, this month…ever?” Odds are pretty good whatever you thought you needed to do will be there when it’s safe to get there.

12. If you absolutely cannot avoid walking through an area where a person just sneezed or coughed, shield your face with whatever you can, hold your breath until clear and then blow out air through your nostrils to flush out what you might have inhaled. Even better is exhaling through your nose while walking through the mist.

13. Under no circumstances touch your face while you are out and even while home unless you’ve just completely and carefully washed and sanitized your hands. If you can’t help yourself wear sunglasses while out and leave them on when you get in the house until you train yourself to just keep your hands away. Not touching your face, eyes, nose or mouth is in your control and will lower your chances of contracting Covid.

14. Wear surgical or other impenetrable gloves from the time you leave the house until you come home. Remove them before turning your front door knob. If you had carefully washed your hands before putting them on you can safely remove the gloves while out to eat.

15. But I’d be careful about where you eat and what. I’m only eating cooked food for the foreseeable future. Salad bars will kill you under normal circumstances but now they are a petri dish of airborne Covid droplets. Do you think that plexiglass shield is stopping every sneeze or cough? Hot soups are a much better idea but make sure the spoon comes sealed in a plastic wrap.

Don’t drink the table water — ever. Think about how many people have touched the pitcher, the glass, the ice and the lemon. Then focus on the research that says half the people leave the restroom and don’t wash their hands. Most of those who do don’t do it correctly. You thought Covid was your only problem? Bottled water only when out. The environment will survivie. Sure, we’ll all be ingesting more micro plastics…they will take decades to kill you. The Covid can get you in a week.

16. When you come in from being out in public, immediately remove and launder your clothes. If you can, get in the shower. Be careful with pull-over shirts when pulling them over your face. Better to wear button down or zippered clothing for now. Wash your hair (twice to three times minimum) face, neck and ears. Don’t ignore the rest of your body but this memo is rated “g”. Never get into bed or your easy chair without first cleaning your hair, face and neck. The germs you accumulated walking about will get on your pillow or headrest and when you turn over you’ve just sucked them in.

17. Don’t forget that the outside packaging of every product you just bought at the store (or that gets delivered to your front door) is contaminated.  You should remove the covering and discard it before putting it on your shelves or in your refrigerator. If not, consider wiping it down with Clorox Wipes or if it doesn’t need refrigeration, leaving it aside for 3 weeks to let the germs die. In any case, assume you’ve missed many germs. So, before you eat it, you must wash or cook it. Then wash your hands again before putting anything in your mouth.

18. Filthy, germ-y things in your house you need to keep clean, and which you should always wash your hands after using, include: the thermostat, tv remote, computer and computer keyboard, phones, especially your cell phone, door knobs, refrigerator handles, light switches, alarm pads, faucet handles.  The list is longer but you get it. Everything listed above is many, many times more germ-y than your toilet seat. That said, rubbing the seat is not recommended… neither is dating a Kardashian or Madonna.

19. I don’t have a crystal ball, but around the beginning of March I told my children to figure at least 180 days before we approximate normal. 180 is looking optimistic, but it will be what it will be so don’t get caught up in the drama.

Here is the good news. The human race is learning valuable lessons about our lives. The longer this goes the better we should all realize what we really need to be happy. We are sharing an amazing and a unique human experience and if we learn nothing from it except how to stockpile toilet paper, we have missed this incredible life-changing opportunity.   

Enjoy the freedom of not being stuck in your previous routines. Turns out you don’t need to go to the supermarket, or Starbucks, seven times a week. You don’t need to get your hair cut or nails done every week or wash your car every Saturday. You don’t need to check your mailbox or go to the post office every day and you don’t need that new pair of pants, shirt, scarf, dress, shoes, or any of the garbage you decorated your house with.  

You no longer have to waste your day doing routine chores or errands so there is no longer any excuse that keeps you from learning something new, calling an old friend or getting yourself back in shape. We are all being reminded that besides your loved ones, all that matters in life is time — and right now you have this incredible gift of as much time you can ever want.   

Don’t waste it! 

Enrich your life. Expand your knowledge. Sing out loud every morning — thankful you didn’t forget to wake up. Call a loved one or lost friend and look for ways to laugh until your sides hurt. Eventually this will end. How sad if you find out too late what an opportunity you missed. 

20. More to come. I welcome your tips and reminders of what i missed or got wrong. I realize not everything i suggest is easy or doable in every instance. These are goals and the closer you get to meeting them the safer you will be until they get full body suits for everyone or come up with an effective vaccine.

In the meantime, now is the time to listen to those crazy germaphobes you always made fun of. When it all returns to normal you can go back to being that under educated, unsanitary slob who thinks the human body needs exposure to all those germs to make the immune system work better…as millions will sadly find out, it doesn’t always work that way.